"How do you feel about having a baby today?"

That's what the nurse practitioner asked me at the end of my doctor's appointment today.

Here's what led up to that question:

7:00-10:45am - I went to work.  If you have to ask why then you need to read the post directly before this one...

11:30 - showed up with Bryan for our 40 week doctor's appointment.  Of course they made us wait for a half hour (lovely) until we actually got to go back for our ultrasound.  I THOUGHT they were checking Harper's weight, but they were actually checking the level of amniotic fluid around her.  The ultrasound tech didn't sound very chipper when she asked if my water had broken because there wasn't a whole lot of fluid around the baby.  Great.  I asked if she could also double check to make sure that she's still a she, but Harper's just too big and we honestly couldn't tell what we were looking at anyway.  Here's hoping.

When we walked out of the ultrasound room I turned to Bryan and said, "We're going to the hospital today."  I didn't like the look on the tech's face or the sound in her voice.  She also wouldn't answer any questions; said I had to ask the doctor when I saw her at 1pm.  Bryan was all calm and cool as usual :)

12:15 - NST (non-stress test) Since I'm 40+ weeks I had to go in for the ultrasound, NST, and then my regular check-up appointment.  Next on the list was the NST.  I got to sit in a recliner while having baby's heart rate monitors, any contractions monitored, and I had to click a button every time I felt Harper move.

Non-stress testing

1:00 - Check-up with the nurse practitioner.  She measured my belly (40cm) and checked my cervix (still 1cm - stupid cervix).  After that she had to go out and wait for the report from the ultrasound tech.  Why she was still waiting, I have no idea because we had the ultrasound almost an hour and a half before.  I think it's because they were all having a holiday luncheon, I could smell it, and got distracted (scowling face).  Anyway, while we were waiting the extra 30 minutes (another scowl face) we could hear the nurse on the phone with someone.  The walls in my doctor's office are not very thick.  I heard my name and thought, "That can't be good."  She was obviously calling a doctor to talk about something.  When she finally came back she sits down and says, "So, how do you feel about having a baby today?"

LOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGG  PAAAAAAUUUUUUUSSSSSEEEEE

My response, "Like right now, today?" I know, don't judge me.  Even though I said to Bryan that I thought they'd admit us today I didn't 100% believe that my thoughts were going to come to be reality.  She went on to ramble about stuff.  Picture the teacher in Charlie Brown.  I'm sure that's what we were actually hearing.  Here's the low down:

-everything is great with Harper except that there is a low amount of amniotic fluid around her. Since I'm past my due date they don't want to risk the fluid dropping to the point where it would cause her a lot of stress.
-I'm admitted to the hospital to have my cervix ripened.  You guessed it.  They are shoving some kind of medicine up in my hoo-ha to try to get my cervix to soften, which will allow it to start opening up for labor.
-If I don't go into labor on my own, they will start me on Pitocin tomorrow morning.  This is something that I want to avoid at all costs.  Hopefully with the cervix ripening, which will hopefully allow them to break my water (or what's left of it), I will go into labor on my own.

After hearing all of that and realizing what was going on, I cried.  I couldn't hold it in.  They were not tears of excitement, they were tears of terror.  Finally, I was scared of what was about to happen to me.  Not only that, but most likely it was not going to happen naturally, which was what I wanted.  I probably looked like a hot mess walking out of the office all red eyed and puffy.  Ah well.  What can you do?

**Cut to the hospital**
3pm
I was a little disappointed that the trip to the hospital wasn't rushed and frantic like I had expected it would be if my water broke out of no where.  We had time to go home, get everything we needed, situate the dogs with Robin, and call our families.  We then took a nice, slow drive to the hospital with the windows down enjoying the unseasonal 70+ degree weather.  Even stopped for gas on the way.

Right now I'm still waiting for my second violation of the day, but my doctor is in the middle of a 'difficult delivery' and the nurse doesn't know when she'll be in to see me.  I say we need to get this show on the road already.

Our labor and delivery room

Where they'll check Harper after she's born

Me in my sexified hospital gown
(yes, my butt's hanging out the back - fantastic)

Sunset from the hospital window

Heart rate/contractions screen

Oh, best part: I'm on a leash.  Part of my birth plan was to walk around through contractions.  That's thrown out the window.  Now I have a 'risk factor' and baby's heartbeat has to be monitored at all times. I can only go as far as the heart rate cord will reach.  I even have to buzz the nurse when I have to go to the bathroom so that can come unhook and then re-hook my cord.  My butt's already numb and I've only been in bed for an hour and a half.  Great.  Also, no more food until after I deliver.  I can have ice, water, candy, popsicles, etc. No solid food in case I have to have a C-section.  What was my last meal?  A banana, PB/honey/marshmallow fluff sandwich, and a granola bar.  Kind of wishing that I went to Arby's for my beef-n-cheddar like I wanted.  Damn it.

5:30pm - Got hooked up with a gnarly IV port.  Nothing running through it yet, just precautionary.

7:25pm - my doctor finally came in to administer something up behind Ladytown that is supposed to 'ripen' my cervix to prepare for delivery.  It has to stay in for 12 hours to work its' magic.  Around 7:30 tomorrow morning they will come in, remove it, and see if I've made any positive progress.  Pitocin is set to start at 8am if my body hasn't magically gone into labor on its' own.

7:45-11:30 Time for visitors!
Roxy and Joe came to entertain us.  They were very excited because, for once, they weren't the ones on the verge of spawning another child.  I wonder what it felt like for them being on the outside of the lion's cage looking in.  Bryan's dad and step-mom also came down from Northern Neck. With those two sets of visitors, we'd never get bored.  They fed off of each other's humor and it was hilarious!  Eventually a nurse had to come in to quiet everyone down.  Around 11:30 my mom and sister finally got into town for a quick visit before I passed out for the night.  By the time they had gotten here, I had just popped two Ambien and was patiently awaiting their effects.  Didn't take very long.  I remember starting to feel a little intoxicated like everything was moving much slower than it should have been, seeing doubles, and then I was out.

Fun with dry erase markers

4:30am - I'm awake.  I think it's because I'm starving.  I was hoping that doing a little blogging while eating Lifesavers and Werther's Originals would help get me back to dreamland before my day of fun begins.  I'm going to lay back down and try again because I think I'm keeping Bryan up with the light from my laptop and constant crunching of candies that "are meant to be sucked on".  F that.  I haven't eaten since 2pm and I don't think any real food is in my near future so I'm going to pretend that Lifesaver was a sandwich or some french fries, crunch away, and call it a night.

One last note before I deem this post complete.  There is currently a baby screaming bloody murder nearby.  It's 4:45am.  I find nothing cute about this.  Pacifiers are not the devil.  Just saying.